Drummer Boy / I Heard The Bells

So I am one of those weird people who starts listening to Christmas music BEFORE Thanksgiving....I know I know ridiculous huh? I was driving back to Conway and I wanted a little pick me up music so I put on Mercy Me's Christmas Album and before I know it, God spoke to me right then and there.

Lately, I have been wondering about life in general.  Where am I going?  What am I doing with my life?  Is this it?  What does God have in store for me?  Then as I was listening to the song Drummer Boy (one of my favorites) the lyrics "I'll play my best for you, I'll play my best for Christ" came on and immediately I was convicted.  Am I playing my best for Christ?  Am I living my life the best I can for Christ?  I quickly realized that no I am not playing my best at all.  At one point, yes I was, but recently I do not think I have been.

The next song that came on after Drummer Boy was I Heard The Bells, and immediately God spoke again.  At one point the lyrics say, "I can hear you, I can hear you" and of course the lyrics are talking about hearing the bells, but I felt like God was saying "Carleigh, I can hear you. All the times you speak to me and wonder what is going to happen in your life, I just want you to know I can hear you, I promise, and if you just hold on a bit longer you will see what I have in store for you."  

It is amazing what two Christmas songs can do in just a few minutes, and it is amazing how God can use two Christmas songs to speak such profound words.  So I would like to remind you, just how God reminded me, that He does hear you, and I would like to challenge you to look at your life and see if you are playing your best for Christ.

Dreams and Realities

I heard a woman speak last night and I honestly feel like everything she said God was telling her is exactly what God is telling me.  She spoke of her dreams and how she wanted to work for a fashion magazine.  Through the years she began to give her heart to God, her dream of working for a fashion magazine was still there but she was beginning to have bigger dreams.  One day she got the opportunity to either work for a famous photographer or work for a church and help organize mission teams.  She surrendered and gave up her old dream for the dream God was instilling in her.  Once she began doing mission work she fell in love with the places and the people.  She wanted to stay in Mozambique, Africa forever because she could see miracles happening every day and she felt so close to God there.  She felt like He was speaking to her like never before there.  When she asked God if she could stay He said no.  He said you have to go back to reality so that I can grow you and grow your faith for you to walk out this dream.

Isn't it funny how God knows what is best for us?  I have had so many dreams.  Dreams of getting married by the time I am 24 (got two years to go haha), dreams of being an occupational therapist, dreams of having a family......those dreams are still there but they are being outshined by crazy impossible dreams that God has placed in my life.  Dreams that I think about and wonder how will this ever come true.  When will I ever get to go back to Africa?  How will I ever have the money or the resources to start a clinic in Africa?  Will I ever have the guts or money to adopt children from Africa?  The funny thing is I always ask these questions but I have never asked why not now. I know I am waiting, but waiting for what?  

The truth is I am in my reality looking eagerly at my dreams because God is growing me.  Growing me as a person, growing my faith, and quite possibly growing my dreams.  I am in this reality because my dreams are not ready to be reality in my life right now.

Until that that reality comes, I will keep dreaming.

Beautiful Hurricane

Within the past week I feel like everything has gone wrong....so wrong that when I tell others about my week, they either laugh (which now looking back it does all seem funny) or say "these things never happen to a normal person....only you."

It all started with my bug shield flying off my car while I was driving down the interstate (sorry car behind me!).  From there it has gone to paint being ripped off of my car by flying bug shield, my brake light going out, the battery to my keyless entry to my car died, my phone touch screen is not working, the smelly fridge was fixed but then the ice maker stopped working, there was no diet coke at the restaurant  today so I order diet Dr. pepper and then the diet Dr. pepper runs out (in which the waitress informs me how odd it is because this never happens), to finally ending my day today with stepping in a puddle to only then find out the hard way that I have a hole in my shoe.  

Nevertheless, I think I am experiencing some spiritual warfare.  

So today as I was driving and thinking about all the things going wrong in my life and I turned on some worship music and heard two songs that were meant for me at that moment.  Phil Wickham's "Your Beautiful" and then Jimmy Needham's "Hurricane".  As I was listening to these songs, I just began to think how beautiful God is, and how beautiful life in general is. God is there always in my life no matter if its going beautifully or not so beautifully. 

 I am sure He laughs at me when I step in puddles to only then find out I have a hole in my shoe, because maybe that was His way of saving me from wearing those shoes when it is raining.  And I know He comforts me when I am at my last straw, and then I just start crying because I dropped my keys or something small like that.  Because what if my "walls need to be torn down" and "destruction is what I need" so that I will turn to Him.  

God knows "far better than I" and even though my world is crazy and it seems like everything keeps going wrong, I have found myself talking to Him more and enjoying the peace He brings into my life, because only He can bring that peace.  

So this crazy, chaotic life of mine is my Beautiful Hurricane.

Control Freak

I am publicly admitting that I am a control freak!  God has definitely been showing me that lately.

Everything that has been happening or not happening in my life right now, I seem to be complaining about or "discussing with God" a lot about how I do not like it or I need this or it should go like this.  I seem to be telling God how I thought my life was going to turn out and then getting mad at Him when it does not turn out that way.

The fact about it is, is that my future is very very unknown at this time.  Everything is up in the air and that unbelievably bothers me, because I cannot control something if I do not know what is going to happen.

How brilliant is God!  If I do not know what is going to happen then I have to give up my controlling obsession and just trust in Him and let Him control what happens.

I have to remember that God knows me better than myself, and He has, is and will always be faithful to the promises He has made.  If I could just let Him control the little things in life and the big things, then yes things definitely might not happen or turn out like I planned, but I know they will be so much greater than anything I could have imagined.  

I just have to give Him complete control!

It's the little things.....

There are so many things in my life that are changing and being altered, and they are pretty big and significant things, but all I can seem to focus on are the little things.  Isn't it funny that I should be crying over my sister/one of my best friends moving miles and miles away from me, but instead I am getting upset about having to clean my car out in 100 degree weather and forgetting to wash my car mats off.  I am getting mad because I drop my keys or most commonly I cannot find my keys.  It is those little things that have been trying me lately.  However, its been the little things that have given smiles throughout the days too, like the rain that came today for a few minutes, or the way my dogs get upset when I am leaving, and especially the fact that my freezer was fixed and now does not produce an awful smell.

I find myself complaining about the little things and crying out in frustration to God.  Today though, I would be lying if I said I did not complain about some little things, but today I remembered to thank God for the little things.  Because the fact of the matter is, is that even though everything in my current world seems to be changing and going crazy, God still cares about the little things.  The things that make you smile and the things that make you cry.

Sometimes it is the little things in life that make the big things worth it.

And when asked what is God showing you....my answer "Wait"

Well this is my first post since I have entered the world of blogging.  After my beautiful and wonderful friend suggested several times that I should blog, I finally agreed to it if she would design my page and come up with a name.  However, I had no idea she would get it done so fast, so it was to my surprise when my sister text me this morning and asked if I had a blog.  Once I finally found my own blog, I looked at the name "living patience" and thought "why would she name it that, I do not feel like that is me at all."  My sister begin asking me if I could think up any other names that I might like, and of course at 10:30 in the morning after I have just been awakened by a text, my brain does not function correctly.

Cheska (my sister) simply asked "what is God showing you?"  I thought about all the things going on in my life and a one word answer came to mind "Wait"

Now I am not the most patient person in the world, but I do believe I have quite a bit of patience.  Being in the occupational therapy field, patience is just a virtue that God has blessed you with or patience is something you are learning very quickly.  But being patient with a person is a totally different ballgame than being patient with God....and lets just say in my ballgame with God I have not hit any home runs yet.

In the present time, waiting is something that I am definitely getting used to.

God is saying 

1. Wait one more year till you are finally done with school.

2. Wait for me to bring opportunities to send you back to Africa, than you searching them out.

3. Wait for me to tell you what cities to search for jobs in.

4. Wait for my timing to place your future husband in your life.

5. Wait for my timing to start a family.

Things are changing all around me and sometimes I feel that my life has been put on hold, but it has not.

I am just waiting and unquestionably living patience.

throwing caution to the wind

this is a test. hopefully it works.